Jennifer's Body

Jennifer’s Body
Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons
Karyn Kusama

I literally came home from this movie, heated up some dinner, and jumped online to write. Before continuing with this review, though, I have a disclaimer: when you go to see this movie, you need to leave your pretentiousness behind. This movie isn’t for self-proclaimed intelligence, so before passing through those big gold theatre doors you need to put away your predispositions, stop waiting for something philosophical to burst from Megan Fox’s impeccable lips or for her to stoop to her one-lined ridiculousness that embodies the Transformers franchise and relax for Diablo Cody’s modern humour. I won’t give much away (because there isn’t that much you need to understand before seeing this movie except that Megan Fox does her typical role of sexy vixen and Amanda Seyfried hers as “best friend”), but only that I left this movie incredibly refreshed and satisfied. The undertone of social commentary and quick wit makes this movie a gem that a lot will overlook. Even as leaving this movie, I ran into someone I know who told me how much they hated it, and add that to the tens of thousands of people who laughed or rolled their eyes when I told them I was seeing this, and you’ll have the assumption that this movie isn’t much. But trust me, it is. It makes a lot of points about the possessiveness of teenage female friendships and how desperate girls are to be beautiful and perfect and desired. Nevertheless, be prepared for the Megan Fox boyshort-shots and lesbian references; however, this impressively stupid facade covers a great movie that will, at least, be a cult classic in the years to come.
I give this nine vagenises.
The Goods: good social points and a great sense of humour.
The Bads: Megan Fox doesn’t really stretch her overall persona for movies, and the overdose of sex will ultimately cause a lot to overlook the core points.

Whiteout

Whiteout
Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, Tom Skerritt, Columbus Short
Dominic Sena

About twenty minutes into this movie I had already witnessed a crowd of men running in below-freezing weather completely nude, and the main character, Carrie Stetko (Beckinsale), stripping completely before a stereotypical steamy silhouetted shower scene. The comparison of the two scenes made it obvious which was more intended for the audience’s enjoyment: the male nude scene lasted about ten seconds and barely left time for me to realizes that penises were blurrily jiggling across the scene; the female nude scene, however, lasted a good three or four minutes and consisted of Stetko stripping slowly and thoroughly and, when down to her underwear, bending her ass politely towards the camera as she turns on her shower.
Despite this irking beginning, the basic plot and cinematography was interesting. I greatly enjoyed the use of complete white as an instigator of fear, rather than dark. The name, “whiteout,” is a term meaning when there are such strong winds and snow that it is impossible to see anything. That holds true to the movie. In some scenes, I sat in the theatre completely confused by the white coating everyone: I couldn’t tell who was the hero and the villain.
Again, though, I come with a complaint. There is only one female in the movie with a name. We hear a couple female scientists chatting occasionally, but never saying anything substantial for the plot and never naming each other. Stetko, of course, has a couple “I’d like to kiss you right now” scenes involving other males on the conspicuously one-sided scientific base. She also cries, which no one else (all being macho attractive manly men) does, despite the horrifying conditions they’re dragged through.
And, in the end, it leaves us with a big question mark on Stetko’s assumed relationship with another man, and her gazing at the Northern Lights with an excessively makeup-covered face (especially for a scientist living in difficult conditions) and a beautiful fur coat.
I give this three vagenises.
The Goods: the representation of a woman as a strong US Marshall (Stetko) and a couple scientists.
The Bads: her oversexualization and the lack of any apparent weaknesses in the male characters.

Let it begin.

To many people, gender stereotypes are becoming less realistic. But in the vastly unrealistic world of movies, we can watch and enjoy those many stereotypes without feeling guilty. We can all just sit back with our giant faux butter-covered kernels and laugh at the stupid bimbo and the macho savior. Well, kiddies, here I come to ruin that sacred escape for you, because gender stereotypes, no matter where they exist, should be confronted and explored. So here I come to shove the truths of your favorite guilty pleasures down your throats and, hopefully, into your brains.

So, here’s how the set-up will work:
Title, main actors, director.
Description, blahblahblah.
Vagenis (the amount of equal and fair depictions of both male and female characters) rating. Ten is best, one is worst.